My Spiritual Battle!

The last months of 2014 and the start of 2015 has been a struggle for me. I have been hitting a lot of road blocks lately and I would give up and walk away. That’s not who I am! I shouldn’t let road blocks stop me from reaching my goals. My health journey has fallen to the back burner as well as many other things. I’m not writing this to have anyone feel sorry for me; I’m writing this to hold myself accountable for my actions.   I have been facing a struggle with my faith b/c I’m wondering if I did something to anger God. Why so many road blocks?  The struggle with my faith has me doubting God and I don’t want to doubt him. He has and continues to provide for my family and me.  I’m that person who is strong in front of others, but once I’m alone I break down.  There are so many emotions I’m feeling right now and I don’t want this letter to be all about my setbacks.  Over the last week, God has reminded me how much he truly does love me.  I saw this poem on a friend’s Facebook page and it was a great reminder. I’m weak and I need God more than ever and pushing him away will only make me weaker. I’m by far perfect and I have sinned, but he believes in me. When I stumble and push him to the side, he is always there to be my guide. I refuse to sit back and let me goals and my faith take a beating b/c something doesn’t go my way.

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I saw another post on Facebook and it was another great reminder. He knows me more than I know myself. I’m going to keep my head up b/c he believes in me. I’m HIS STRONG CHRISTIAN SOLDIER!

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My weight loss journey has hit more and more blocks, but I’m not going to stop trying to reach my goal. I have I gained weight yes but I’m going to work hard to get back on track. TODAY IS NEW DAY SO WHY AM I WAITING FOR TOMORROW!  He has made me for so much more and I’m not going to waste what he has given me.

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG

I will not let Satan win!

I WILL NOT BE OR FEEL DEFEATED ANYMORE!

I HAVE TOO MUCH FIGHT IN ME TO JUST GIVE UP!

I’m sure I sound like a broken record, but I’m human and I mess up. I’m weak and I wanted to do it my way, but doing it my way isn’t working for me. I’m putting God back on the front line of this battle b/c I cant do it without him. I’m not going to fight him anymore, he will be first in my life. I get lost in the every day life’s ups and downs, but he always finds me. I’m going to wake up and give THANKS to him everyday. No more focusing on the negative, but more on the positive! I don’t know where I’m going but I have to step out on faith and trust God.

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“Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned, but just how its meant to be”. unknown.

Yours Truly,

Amanda

Reflection

Reflection

In June my grandma moved in with me b/c her home was sold. I love having her here, but the last month or so has been struggle. I’m use to having a routine, I’m use to having a schedule each day I wake up. I don’t like change! When I have a plan and it unfolds b/c of things I have no control over, it frustrates me.  When I feel like I’m alone I go to want comforts me; FOOD. Even though I have so many wonderful people in my life I keep things inside. I take the issue or issues and put them away until I’m ready to deal with it. I guess I do this b/c it gives me some type of control.  Once everything inside me builds up, I explode and I become this ugly person.  

During this week being off on vacation and spending time with family, I reflected on my life, my behavior, and my relationship with God.  Satan sees me growing, so he throws rocks to block me from moving forward on my journey. I may stand there wondering why does this always happen. Every rock represents a struggle, a worry, a stress, and even my past mistakes. 

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Satan thinks he has won the battle as I take one step backwards and turn around, but what he doesn’t know is that I’m not the same girl I use to be. I take few more steps back only to run toward those ROCKS and climb over.  ” Now the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you”. 1 Peter 5:10

I have never felt more alive knowing my Father. I battle each day, but I’m not alone. Some think that once you become a Christian your life is perfect, but there is no such thing as a perfect life. I’m a Christian, but I sin just like the next person. I’m not perfect, but there is a difference in who I was and who I am now. He personally restored, established, strengthen me.  

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When  I’m scared and I don’t know how to stand, I need to look up and remember that he is there.   I don’t want to be someone who’s satisfied with occasional visits to church on Sunday morning. I need to build a relationship with God that grows stronger each day. My story isn’t over and is still being told and I want my love for God to show to everyone I meet. 

T25 is has been put on hold for now, but I will continue to workout each morning. I enjoy running, its crazy that I say that. I would have never thought I could run 2 miles without collapsing. The feeling I get from running is amazing. I feel strong and powerful when I run. I want other women no matter their size to know their worth!!! I was almost 260 pounds and I’m now 216. Anything is possible as long as you trust in the Father. I’m not running away from something, I’m running toward something. 

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Amanda vs. Goliath

Amanda vs. Goliath!

Everyone has heard the story of David and Goliath, the story is told in 1 Samuel 17.  Goliath of Gath was six cubits and a span of almost ten feet. Goliath was a big boy! David didn’t want to take any armor to help him against his fight with Goliath. David took a sling shot and some rocks to help him defeat Goliath. You probably think David was crazy for only taking simple weapons into a fight with a giant. He took  more than just a slingshot and some rocks; David took his faith into the fight against Goliath.

1 Samuel 17-45 “45 “Then said David to the Philistine, You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, Whom you have defied.” He had his faith, slingshot, and sword and won the battle. That story is amazing, this young boy without fear and tons of faith went and conquered Goliath. 

We all have a Goliath beating us up each day and we just don’t know how to defeat him. We think of so many ways to defeat the giant, but we fail.  My emotional eating is my Goliath, when my emotions get the best of me I go to food for comfort.  Our Goliath can be many things and not just one specific thing. I know many times when I wanted to lose weight I would be good, but then something would happen and I would let my emotions aka Goliath get the best of me. When going into this journey I went into it with a lot of faith. Each week gets harder and harder, but I go into each week  with my faith growing stronger and stronger. I’m  nowhere prefect and this journey isn’t easy, but I’m going to conquer and win this battle against my Goliath.

I’m on a path of Victory b/c I want to win this battle against Goliath. Don’t worry about yesterdays mistakes or 10 minutes ago, work on NOW and do it with faith. 

I love this song by Love & The Outcome, the lyrics are just amazing. We are constantly pulled in so many directions, but we have to listen to our King.  We doubt ourselves, but God doesn’t doubt us he loves us. Our God is bigger than any battle we are facing, I just love that part of the song. Don’t lose faith b/c we are his children and he wants nothing but the best for us.

My 60 Day Journey with Shaun T!

My 60 Day Journey with Shaun T!

In January I brought a challenge pack from Beachbody and it changed by life. I brought Shaun T’s T25 Focus DVD workout and Chocolate Shakelology. I have tons and tons of workout dvds that I would buy then sale or never use. This 60 day challenge was big for me and even though it was 25 minutes a day I’m not the type of person to stick with something. I would start something and then I would never finish and that goes for everything.

When I went into this I prayed and thank God every day for pushing me and reminding me why I started this journey. I don’t want to start my New Year doing another Weight Loss Resolution, I want to be able to start 2015 with new goals.  I had hard time seeing and feeling that I was worth the time, but I am worth the time. My 8 year old sees me each day and I want to set a good example for him. My son needs me and I was close to death, at 257 pounds I was making an early grave.

Before I started this journey January 1st, my meals would be sugar. I would go to Chick Fil A, Taco Bell, Chipotle multiple times, that’s sick. Below would be my normal day. I didn’t want to share, but God has laid it on my heart to share fully and honestly about journey.

Morning: McDonalds or Chick Fil A ( SODA early in the morning)

Lunch: Fast food and more soda and I would also go by Walgreen to pick up two bottles of soda so I can have one after lunch and one for home. I would also pick up chocolate and if it was by 3 for $5 I would do it. The sad thing is I would eat all the chocolate before getting home.

Dinner: Fast Food or I would make something at home that wasn’t healthy, but majority of the time it was fast food.

I would feel dizzy and tired all the time and sometimes my heart would beat fast for no reason. I ate b/c it was my drug, I ate b/c it made me feel better, I ate b/c I didn’t love myself, I ate b/c I was holding on to the past, I ate b/c I felt broken.  As a woman of God I needed him, but I used food to heal my pain. When I finally realized that I needed to put God at the front lines everything fell into place. I still struggle, this is an addiction and there is no overnight recovery. I will be going head to head with this addiction each day, but now I have God at the front lines fighting for me. Exercising is hard, eating healthy is hard, but everything in life is hard. God told me to document my journey so that I can help others and I pray that my journey encourages and motivates you. You can do it! You are WORTH IT and You are LOVED!

I started my journey in February with T25 and unfortunately my measurements were not taken correctly by my mom, so I didn’t continue with taking the measurements. As of today I have lost 17 pounds from using T25, but my total weight lost from January 1st to now is 27 pounds.  

Every small step toward a healthier future is one step closer to your goal. There will be days that you don’t want to eat healthy, but that’s ok just remember why you started and go harder the next day.


Stop Wishing for a Healthier Body!

 I was reading a bunch of Devotionals from my IDisciple app on my phone. I needed to read something that focused on eating healthy, addiction, and anything else related to this battle.

One of the devotionals was from Lysa Terkeurst and Shana Schutte and it has stuck with me. Since it’s now spring time, but I don’t think the weather knows its spring time. Many people start to plant gardens during this time. In the devotion Shana wrote that she received a “do-it-yourself’ kit for growing a plant. The kit gives Shana step by step directions on what to do to make sure her plant grows. She said; what if I don’t water my plant, but instead wish it to grow. She continues to say what if I pray each night and meditate on my new plant to grow without taking the time give it the water that it needs. The plant isn’t going to grow on prayer or wishful thinking and the same goes to getting healthy. We can pray each night for a better body, but if we don’t give our bodies the nourishment it needs the praying alone will not work.

Lysa goes on to say that she took a shortcut while outside and notice a man planting a flower garden. It was a really pretty garden and Lysa wished she had a garden just like his. The man has a beautiful garden b/c he invested his time and energy in the garden to make it grow. He didn’t wake up one morning and find a beautiful garden outside his house blooming with all types of flowers. He worked at it and sacrificed for it. He worked each day, row after row, seed by seed, and plant by plant. It took time, patience, sweat, commitment, and determination before he ever saw any fruit from his labor. Lysa said that she looked at the mans garden and wished for her own, without thinking of all the work that gone into the garden.  She wanted the garden, but didn’t want to do the work to get the flowers.

We look at certain things in life that way, we want something but we don’t want to put in the work. She said not only did she want a garden, but she also wanted a thinner body for years. She wanted a thinner body, but she didn’t want to change her eating habits. She kept making excuses on why she couldn’t loose the weight. We do this! We find certain things that will discourage us from believing that we can. We don’t want to put in the work, so we give up. No matter what you want in life, if that’s a thinner body, a beautiful garden remember that a man ‘REAPS WHAT HE SOWS” (Galatians 6:7).

 I really enjoyed this devotional and it just sticks with me b/c it reminds me that no matter what I want in life I have to be determined, committed, pray, and meditate so that my garden grows. I have work hard each day to have a healthier and strong body. There will be days that you won’t have any strength, but you have to remember that flower doesn’t bloom overnight.

Don’t wish for a better and healthier body, be Committed, be Determined, be Strong, pray, and meditate for a healthier and better body!

Getting Real!

I know I mentioned sometime back that I would publicly tell the world my weight. I have been holding off b/c what right person whats to share their weight. My starting weight was 257, yep I just announced the deadly number. I’m now 235, I lost a total of 22 pounds. My goal weight is 145, so I have to lose 112 pounds. Now I have to lose 90 pounds to lose, I’m slowly getting there.

I’m daydreaming of that day when I finally say I weigh 145 pounds. This time its different for me b/c at 257 pounds I was on my death bed. I’m 32 years old and I have a 8 year old boy you needs me and I was slowly killing myself. I was selfish to not think about his needs. I dont want him to grow up without me. I have an apple shape body so majority of my weight is on the top. Most of the fat in an apple-shaped person is distributed around the internal organs in the abdomen area. This can be associated with a greater risk of heart disease, diabetes and stroke. I dont want to have a stroke, heart disease, or diabetes. I’m young and I want to live this life that God has blessed me with. I want to watch Zay grow up and have a family of his own.

At 257 pounds I lost 22 pounds and I’m still moving ahead even though I have hit some bumps in the road. No matter where you start at during this journey your adding more days, minutes, hours, weeks, and months to your life.  The number on the scale doesnt define who I am anymore. I’m beautiful and strong and I’m not going to hide anymore. I never felt beautiful so I ate to hide my pain, but I am beautiful and I learning to love myself each day.

I’m worth it and so are you! Dont let your insecurities take over, fight for your life.

I would like to share my God story with you all, I shared this when I was getting baptized. At a young age I saw my mom give everything she had to my dad and he didnt appreciate her.  I grew up looking for a relationship like my parents. I was so badly wanted to be loved so I lowered my standards. I was in a very unhealthy relationship, name calling and abuse was involved. I kept going back b/c I didnt think I was worth anything. When I got pregnant with Zay, I continued to go back to my ex thinking we could work things out and have a family. Eventually I got the clue that we were better off separated, but I still struggled.  I lost some weight and guys were noticing me and I enjoyed it.  I gave myself away just to be loved and one day coming home from a date the night before, God spoke to me.  He said he loved me and that my choices were not healthy. I made a choice that morning that I needed to change. Over the years I struggled with finding myself and seeing that I was worth so much more.  God knew me before I was born and he never turned his back on me.

The reason I’m sharing my God story is b/c I want others to see how amazing our God is. We all have committed sin and even though I’m a Christian I still sin, but I know that I have eternal life. “And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life. I have written this you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life.” John 5:11-13

I’m redeemed b/c of my faith. I found that Love that I so badly was seeking b/c of my faith.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” Romans 12:2

He is transforming me everyday!

I’m not writing this to force my beliefs on you. I’m sharing my God story in hopes that I can help and show that no matter where you are in life, God loves you and that its never to late.

❤ ❤ ❤

End of Week 4: The Impossible!

This week I did really good! I did 5 days of T25 and I can’t believe I’m starting week 5 tomorrow. I just did a workout with my sister tonight on my rest day. Before I did the workout I just wanted to go to bed, but now I’m awake. I feel that working out is becoming my new caffeine! Even though I’m going into week 5 and still doing some of the modifications, I feel really proud of myself. The last four weeks I’m seeing a new me!

It was very emotional this morning at church b/c my pastor was talking about the “Impossible Odds”.  He said that “FAITH IS STEPPING FORWARD WHILE FEAR REMAINS”.  I have fears of failing, giving up, and hitting a plateau. I’m losing weight each week, but I know that a plateau will hit me like a brick wall. My faith in God is growing strong during this journey and I know that no matter what I will be stepping forward in Faith even though I have fears. If you asked me last year if I could do T25, I would have probably laughed in your face or just blown you off.

I have tons of workout DVD’s and I always told myself that I would work out each day, but I never did. I’m going on WEEK 5!I’m going head to head with the IMPOSSIBLE and making it POSSIBLE. I’m getting stronger each day. My pastor said that God takes your past struggles and weaknesses to empower others. God is taking my past struggles and weaknesses to show others who have experienced that same defeat that anything is POSSIBLE with God.  God is building up something great for my life. I give him all the GLORY b/c if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

As I mentioned my mom didn’t take my measurements accurately. I had my friend at church take them for me, so I’m going to take the measurements from today as my starting point.

Thighs: 27

Waist: 45

Chest: 44

Arm: 14 1/2

This weeks weight loss is -2.8 pounds

Total weight loss 18.6